Tired Mind, Tired Heart

I have just finished another draft of a scientific poster for a conference which I am not attending. I just feel so exhausted, standing by the windowsill, enjoying the night breeze with K's Choice's 20000 Seconds playing in the background. My mind is quite numb for the moment; my feelings a jumbled-up emotions ranging from melancholy, frustration, disappointment and a touch of pessimism for what lay in the future.

I guess I'm mostly bummed over the fact that I wouldn't be able to go to Thailand, due to financial constraints and delay in processing the documentation for the application and whatnot. Flashback to when the news that my supervisor said I will be going to attend the conference; it was a very happy and positive day for me, as it was totally unexpected. Oh well. I suppose it is just not meant to be. In the consoling words of my father, 'there's always next time.' Let's hope so.

Hey, guess what

Your Brain is 67% Female, 33% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Bucketful of Sadness

Something happened today that caused me to walk away with mixed feelings and a twisted heart. It has probably been simmering away deep inside, until seeing that person today hit me with the realization smack in the face. I don't even know how to talk to that person anymore, when we used to be so close. It makes me sad, because I do want to, but when I think back on things that have happened I turn bitter and silent. Why is it the people you care about don't seem to care about themselves? And when we get hurt again and again by their actions we vow not to care the next time, but somehow it just doesn't seem right. Or that even when you become uncaring, it feels hollow inside. No triumphant joy of revenge. Just traces of sadness. No, bucketful of sadness.

Because, as pointless as it may sound, I still care.

procrastination, or something deeper?

my second entry, after so long.

i can't believe i can procrastinate in writing my own blog! its supposed to be something fun, for god's sake. i think the underlying reason is that i cant seem to make up my mind whether to make this blog a bare-all journal or just a sharing of my thoughts n feelings on selective, safe, n non-offensive subjects. i also dont know if i prefer total strangers to read this, as compared to people who actually know me. in which group shall i find comfort and empathy? strangers might not give a shit, and familiar people might not understand, and god-forbid, place judgement.

*sigh* i guess its just human nature to be looked at and not found wanting; to be accepted as you are and not found lacking. in my countinuous journey of self-discovery, i find that i am still scared to be an individual, to stand out in the crowd, and to stand for my own principles even if its opposes the conventional belief of society. or perhaps i am simply generic, made from the same mould that shapes the typical, nothing unique or special. is it inbred? or simply a result of my environment and upbringing? for now, i just hope that i have not yet lost the sense of curiosity towards the world; of wanting to know, experience, and learn. everything.

Like A Virgin..

wow. my first time ever. hello blogworld! XOXO